OFFICIAL GH FUN AND MORE - MUST READ NOW!

[Elric]

Hopefully most of the people that peruse PE take what is said in sarcasm with a grain of salt. I go there to listen to music, get ideas about other bands, and get into financial crisis when I see all the music I am about to buy .

Sometimes when we post and we are still pumped about what we have just listened to, it is a target for those who love to impale our big happy bubble.

I don't let it bother me. I like your music for what it is. It is listenable, entertaining, and something that all ages can enjoy as my family has asked "what are you listening to? I like that".

As I posted, I tried to be honest about what I remembered about the show and tempered it with some restraint. I hope you guys get a lot of people there to take an interest that have not before.

I think that there will always be people out there to persecute or downplay others. I still think that people that WANT to listen to good music will have their curiosity piqued. That is what they are there for. I must admit that I do not care for a lot of bands that people are crazy about, but I respect their interest and hope they will mine.

[FredProgGH]

We could always take the reverse psychology approach:

Glass Hammer is ashamed to announce their biggest piece of crap ever!! Yes, we tried but to no avail- it's just not that good. Steve says "It's the dumbest thing we've ever put out. I know I always say that but it's true. People that love to think that we suck should buy this DVD immediately"

We should put out both versions on the same release so readers can choose- THAT would show them*lol*

[Bnielsen]

^ now I think that would open more eyes, and get less flames than the hyperbole one

[Rumpska]

I think Fred wins this thread. That's a goodern thar.

[FredProgGH]

OK, how about a "roll your own" version:

Glass Hammer Live At Belmont
Press Release (The Hyperbolic Bi-polar Something For Everyone Version)


The undisputed masters/cretins of symphonic-prog, Glass Hammer, are back with the most magnificent/pathetic DVD to ever be released in the history of civilization/last ten minutes. “Live At Belmont” is recorded in glorious/cheesy 5.1 surround sound and will literally transport/fling you to symphonic realms beyond your imagination/hellish realms of agony and despair.

Glass Hammer’s Steve Babb says, “Not only is this 2 DVD set the best/worst project Glass Hammer has ever been involved with, it far surpasses/blows harder than any project that any other progressive rock band has ever been involved with. We couldn’t be happier/more ashamed.”

Featuring special/forgettable guest Carl Groves (Salem Hill) and introducing David Walliman on guitar/noise stick, GH blazes/crawls through songs from Lex Rex, Shadowlands and their latest critically acclaimed/reviled masterpiece/stinkbomb “The Inconsolable Secret”. And if that isn’t enough, Belmont University’s 150 member choir/screech ensemble joins Glass Hammer for a grand/shoddy finale that will set the standard for grand/shoddy finales for all time/until you watch something else - and even beyond/or not!

Simply put, you have not lived until you have witnessed/suffered the marvel/turd that is “Live at Belmont”. So, grab a copy and start living/dying today!

I think that can't miss!

[Bozo]

LOL you can´t fail with that one! It would be pretty amazing to see the commrnts on a thing like that. It would no matter what people would wright in the favour of GH. I think you should relase it like that on PE.

[Alatar]

I like the way Tom Lehrer did it. His sleeve notes to "An Evening Wasted with Tom Lehrer" begin:

Yes, Tom Lehrer is here again, with more of the tasteless japes and tired wheezes which only a few years ago elicited from critics comments ranging from "competent" (Variety) to "occasionally amusing" (New York Times).

Maybe this is a chance for a novelty web page. Have the review page with a little "review slider" on the side with "Gushing praise" at the top, "abject scorn" at the bottom, and about three notches in the middle. Readers would then be able to select the level of enthusiasm they prefer.

[Sam Gamgee]

*raises hand* uh, excuse me, so, uh... Is Steve ever going to like show us the hyperbole one? Because, uh... all I see is just a standard fare description, by any conservative definition of course... So, uh, just waiting for the exageration...

[Reepicheep]

OOooohh it's like "choose your own adventure"! I like it...

[Losfer Words]

The undisputed masters of symphonic-prog, Glass Hammer, are back with the most magnificent DVD to ever be released in the history of civilization (or at the very least, in the history of progressive rock DVDs). “Live At Belmont” is recorded in glorious 5.1 surround sound and will literally transport you to symphonic realms beyond your imagination.

(now that was good but then you strayed off course of the mission)

Yes, this DVD is truly having a profound impact upon the world of progressive rock.
Upon hearing Steve Babb's bass playing, Geddy Lee hung his head in shame and immediately sold his bass guitar collection and was last seen burying the master recordings of Rush by the light of the full moon. We now have confirmation from Rick Wakeman's publicist that Rick was in fact seen back stage at a recent Glass Hammer show, groveling at the feet of Fred Schendel and crying out over and over "I'm not worthy!" The technical accuracy of the guitar playing of David Wallimann has forced EVH to re-enter rehab. Upon being readmited Mr. Van Halen was babbling things such as, " 'just amazing...' 'He must be a time traveler from the future. The guitar playing is just light years ahead of me.' and '...how can I compete with that?!?!" Furthermore, the impact of this DVD knows no genre boundaries, for Rick Springfield is now rewriting the words and changing the title to his hit single Jesses Girl, to Glass Hammer Girls after seeing the female vocal section of GH. However, he is retaining just one line from the original lyrics- "where can I find a woman like that!" Finally, the divine, symphonic orchestration of the music has even prompted a purchase order charged to God's credit card**. A phone call placed to "Michael and the Angels"+ confirmed the authenticity of the purchase (place copy of invoice here for added nail in the coffin effect).

(**= you think that last one will finally get me the 20% off of the front row season tickets to hell? )
(+= yes, I actually still have a Michael and the Angels cassette and it kinda still plays between shedding magnetic oxide all over the playback heads)

[EIwing]

you could play madlibs with the release, like "insert your own adjective here" type of thing. Then it's a release and a fun game all in one!

[Losfer Words]

You know, sometimes I scroll down the forum pages to fast and miss the good stuff.

Fred, I am fully intending to blatantly plagiarize your post above and recycle it for the release of
Losfer Words 12th CD later this year.

It was the

latest critically acclaimed/reviled masterpiece/stinkbomb

that simply struck a chord with me

[Losfer Words]

Hopefully most of the people that peruse PE take what is said in sarcasm with a grain of salt.

We must not be thinking of the same progressive ears site.
Me thinks Father Christmas will have to make a detour out of Narnia and dig a sense of humor out of that sack for the crowd there first.

Of course the real culprit is in the engineering.
GH simply did not put enough subliminals into Chronomotree to sway those brainwashed by the sublims. in ELP, Yes and Rush etc. over to the cause.